Encounters of the Adept Kind
by crimson canary
Summary: The story of the century: An interview with THE Alex. All she has to do? Survive.


Alex: The Maniac Behind the Madness

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Golden Sun or any of the characters… I don't own IHAC, either, though I know the person who started it ^^

In case you're wondering, "IHAC" is the I Hate Alex Club.  If you're interested in joining, contact Super Sheba…

Scene 1 

****

**Cast:**

Alex- Alex

Reporter- CC

3 young women (backup singers)- A, B, C

**Scene:  **It is a cold, stormy night, and this reporter is getting the story of the century: an interview with a strange, blue-haired man calling himself Alex.  His current residence: a dark warehouse that almost appears to be abandoned.  However, after checking the address twice, this reporter concludes that this is the home and knocks thrice on the door.  Upon receiving no reply, this reporter enters the dwelling of the infamous Alex.

            The interior of this mysterious abode is dimly lit, and this reporter can see nothing except for the light shed on the floor by the open portal to the outside world.  Slowly, this reporter makes her way into the shadows, only to be greeted by the slamming of a door as the exit is closed behind her.  For a moment, this reporter stands in complete silence and darkness, but suddenly the entire room is lit with brilliant lights.  At first, the sudden light blinds this reporter's eyes, but then her eyes adjust and she can now see a stage with the word "Alex" in bold, neon letters above it.

            This reporter can now hear an announcer speaking in a bold voice so that all may hear: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!  You all thought he was dead, but now he's back, and better than ever!  It's Allllllex!!!"

**Alex: *** steps out onto stage to blaring, corny music, flanked by **3 young women** in revealing dresses* Hello, and welcome to my humble abode!

**A, B, & C:** * singing* Humble abooooode!

CC: Are those BACK-UP SINGERS? 

**Alex: ***looking out at non-existent audience * What a fine evening it is!  How are you all tonight?

**A, B, & C: ***singing * Toniiiiiiight!

**CC: **Hello?

**Alex: **Okay, everyone!  Put your hands together for the musical stylings of… ME!  ^_^  *you can hear crickets chirping it's so quiet* *takes out microphone* *music starts playing in the background*  *takes deep breath in preparation to sing*

**CC:** *screaming at top of lungs* HELLO!!!  I AM HERE TO INTERVIEW YOU!!!

**Alex:**  What do you want?

**A, B, & C: ***singing* doooo yooou waaaaant?

**CC:** Weren't you even paying attention to me?

**Alex:  **Attention?  Where? *looks around*

**A, B, & C: **Wherrrrre?

**CC:** *hands on hips* Here!  You asked me to come and interview you, remember?

**Alex:** You want an interview?

**CC: **Forget it.  This is a waste of my time *turns and walks away*

**Alex:** *to backup singers* Ladies?

*~*~*

Scene 2 

**Cast:**

Alex- Alex

Reporter- CC

Backup singers: A, B, & C

**Scene: **This reporter is walking away from the eccentric, cerulean-headed man and his three "backup singers" when suddenly, strong hands grab her and force her to a wooden seat.  Roughly woven rope is used to tie this reporter to the chair, and her mouth is gagged.  A soft voice whispers, "I promised you an interview, right?" in her ear.

**Alex:** *sitting opposite bound and gagged reporter* Now, what did you want to know?

**CC: ***angrily*MMPH!!!

**Alex:** You say you want to hear stories of my tormented childhood?  How lovely!

**CC: ***look of horror on face* MMMMPH!!!

**Alex: **Well, it all started when I was three, when I stepped into that wasp's nest.  Or maybe it was when I was even younger, when my mommy dropped me onto my head several times.  Or perhaps it started that time when…

*~*~* 15 minutes later *~*~*

**Alex:** *crying* …so then I said, "Don't eat that fish!"  But did she listen to me?  *pauses*  Well, enough about that.  What should we discuss next?

**CC: ***sighs with relief* MMPH…

**Alex:** Ah.  Why yes, I am glad that _someone_ noticed how especially nice my hair looks today.

**CC:** *exasperated* MMPH.

**Alex: **You want my secret?  Well, I use a mixture of various roots and herbs.  Also, I've found that mixing fresh peach juice in helps with the scent, and it makes my hair very shiny.

**CC: **…

**Alex: **I know!  I'll show you my secret formula.  *walks off* *comes back with water bottle full of something thick and green*  See?

**CC:** *disgusted* MMPH!

**Alex: ***opens bottle and holds it under this reporter's nose* Doesn't it smell nice?

**CC: ***cough hack* MMPH!!!

**A, B, & C: ***come running in, out of breath* We have visitors!

**Alex: **It's about time someone recognized my talents!  **^_^**

**A:** Quickly, quickly, sir!  

**B: **They might leave soon!

**C: **I'll try and distract them! *runs offstage*

**Alex, A, & B:  ***follow her*

**CC: ***has somehow gotten her gag off* Now, time for a tool NO reporter should be without!  My handy-dandy… SWISS ARMY KNIFE!  *****cuts ropes* *stands up and follows the others*

*~*~*

Scene 3 

**Cast:**

Alex- Alex

Reporter- CC

Leader of IHAC- SS

IHAC members

**Scene: **Upon removing her bindings, this reporter returns her Swiss-army knife to its position in her left back pocket and sneaks after Alex in the manner only a reporter can.  This reporter comes upon a most unusual gathering…

**SS:** *pointing a banana at Alex* You are under arrest!  Anything you say can, and probably WILL be used against you in a court of law!

**Alex:** *is shaking head in hands* Not YOU bozos again!

**SS:** *glares at Alex* We are IHAC!  And since we're the good guys, we SHALL TRIUMPH!!!

**Alex: **I have an interview to get back to, so if you'll excuse me…

**SS: ***groan* Don't tell me you've kidnapped another reporter… the last one is STILL afraid to go out at night…

**Alex: ***evil grin*

**SS:** *sigh* Where is the reporter?

Alex: Wouldn't YOU like to know? 

**SS: ***pulls out oversized frying pan* Take this! *whacks Alex over the head*

**Alex:** *eyes get all swirly* You hurt me, SS… *falls over unconscious*

**SS: **Now… where is that poor reporter?

**CC: **Right here.  *waves*

**SS: **Good.  You're alive!  Still sane?  *looks CC over* Good.  Now what have we learned from all this?

**CC: **Next time bring a gun?

**SS:** When will you people ever learn?

*~*~*

**AN: **Well, hope you liked it!  I wrote it like a play script just because I wanted to try that…


End file.
